Ranman Part 1 Chapter Ran Part 1 - Page 1 - Ranman Shinkichi Kato - Page 2 - Contents Chapter Ran Part 1 3 Chapter Kon 49 Chapter Ran Part 2 77 Chapter Man 127 Afterword 177 - Page 3 - Chapter Ran Part 1 A flawless, gratuitous, preposterous amalgamation of imagination. Staccato cantatas of mythical miracle! - Page 4 - First Ran Quickening Ete: Kweaak! Eekeek! Sage: Quiet now, Ete. Hush yourself. Ete: Greeek eek! Bwook wakk! - Page 5 - Sage: What is the MATTER with you? Ete: Wook! Ook-ook! Bwaak! Sage: ... Red coral headdress... worn by the queens of the old dynasty... - Page 6 - Sage: {Yes. Until the upheaval... But it was said that one escaped the fires of chaos to find shelter, and was never seen again...} Yet... that was over three centuries past... - Page 7 - Baby: ... ... Never... die... Never die... NEVER DIE... - Page 8 - Taro: Umm... Excuse me... Death: Huh? Second Ran Death Death: Oh... Hi. Taro: I called not too long ago... Death: Oh, right. You wanted a tour, was that it? - Page 9 - Death: Ahhh, your sister, I see. Building: Death Dept. Death: Let's see, now... #$% City, Reika... Reika... Section 13, Row S, #66. This is it. Taro: ... Card: Haru, Reika Death: Alas, poor thing. It's practically out already. Taro: ... - Page 10 - Taro: ... Is there anything I can do...? ... Death: Oh, hey now! I'll be having none of that in here! Dog: Grrrr! Death: Now, now! Shush. Taro: You can exchange hers with one of these healthy ones! Go on! Death: Look, there's no use getting on my case... I'm just an employee, man. It's not my call, see? Card: Haru, Taro Taro: Urf! - Page 11 - Death: Sigh... This job really takes it outta ya... Parents: Oh... Oh, honey! Reika's opened her eyes!! W-what?! Reika!! Card: Haru, Reika Death: Don't you tell the missus now... Dog: *Whiiine* Angel: It's so warm... - Page 12 - Third Ran Friendship - Page 13 - - Page 14 - - Page 15 - - Page 16 - Fourth Ran Summer Radio: We're looking at rocky waves in the #$% region... Beard: And she said she was really gonna do this? Nappy: Oh yeah... She was goin' all on about showing the new boyfriend her "Birthday Ride"... You can't! It's dangerous! Hello?! Wig: Jesus Christ! - Page 17 - Beard: Aha! Hey lady! What are the waves like out there?! Lady: Oh, they were SO BIG! I just about 'maxed out on the first one!! Nappy: So big... 'maxed... (driiip) Wig: Get that hard-on off my back!! Beard: We gotta hurry!! - Page 18 - Boyfriend: Natsukooooo!! Don't do iiiit!! Beard: Natsuko?! Has she already gone?! Boyfriend: She has... Crowd: There she is! Stop, don't do this! It's crazy, my dear!! - Page 19 - Crowd: Grandmaaaaa!! Lookit 'er titty poppin' out!! Boyfriend: Don't SCARE me like that, Natsuko! Natsuko: Sorry, babe. These are my grandsons. Men: Hiya. Natsuko: This is the only way I can get the brats to visit me in person!! (hyahahaha) Looks like this nutty old nag's birthday bash is off to a crashing start!! - Page 20 - Fifth Ran Knight [Young Sir Orther, delving deep into Cordonshire Forest to test his mettle, laid eyes upon a human figure, high in the window of a long-abandoned tower.] [Her flowing golden locks and winsome emerald eyes bespoke a regal aire apparent from even the most distant of ranges.] - Page 21 - Bird: The princess is held captive by the wicked witch! Tweet! [Many thanks for that concise report, my feathered friend!] [Long did he mull over this development. Perhaps the occasion to excise his coward's reputation had come at last!] Orther: {But if I just kept walking, no one would know...} Bird: Help! Help! Bag: Ye Olde Trash Collection Orther: {Hey, she's a pushover!} [Upon further investigation...] Witch: Oh dearie me, the lonely depths of these woods are too much for these old bones. Orther: I concur! Alack! Princess: {Stop feeling sorry for her!!} Bird: Fool! Dunce! Orther: Ah ha ha ha... Of course. Old hag! Consider putting up this humble knight for the night! Witch: You're welcome, but the bugs might bite. [Good lady of fortune, what delight.] - Page 22 - Orther: What a pleasant stay THIS has been! Bird: Stop wasting time!! Orther: Of course! I nearly forgot!! Witch: Gerk. [Alas, that such a man should stand at the center of our tale.] Orther: Princessss!! [His member, already at arms.] Orther: Fair lady, your faithful servant Orther has arrived!! Princess: ... Orther: Princess!! ... Princess: Aha! Orther: Um... Princess: At last, my prince, the spell has been lifted! - Page 23 - Princess: This man here saved us! Prince: Don't know HOW to thank you, chum! Orther: Ha ha ha... Already spoken for, I see. Witch: W-wretched traitor... Know my wrath... Dragon: GROWRRR Prince: God's protection to you, brave sir knight! I will take the princess to safety! Orther: Huh? Prince: Hi-ho!! Dragon: (Grrrr) Orther: Ah, woe. [Not all gallantry is borne of true courage...] - Page 24 - Sixth Ran Sister and Brother [My brother chooses to greet me in the morning by way of giving orders.] Brother: I couldn't get a wink of sleep for all the commotion going on out front. Think you could get them to stop...? - Page 25 - - Page 26 - Sister: "To sit alone in the lamplight with a book spread out before you, and hold intimate converse with men of unseen generations - such is a pleasure beyond compare." In modern terms: "Getting horny late at night and flipping through outdated nudie mags can be hot sometimes." - Page 27 - Man: Look... Such a foolish prank. I awoke one morning on a field trip, and it was drawn on my back. Sister: Ha ha... What do you think they would say to THIS prank? Shots: (bang bang bang) [Whose shots were fired?] [The conclusion to this story has yet to be discovered.] - Page 28 - Seventh Ran Man: Huff... Huff... Huff... Lost Island - Page 29 - Man: Huff. Huff. Huff. Ugh... Shit, man! Huff. Huff. Huff. Huff. Huff. - Page 30 - Ugly Man: Exit...? Don't know about no exit. Man: Oh... Well, that's great. Ugly Man: Funny question to ask. Man: Huh? Ugly Man: You came to this island 'cuz you wanted to get lost. So go on, get lost. Forget about the exit. Man: No... No, I only wanted... Ugly Man: If you'd rather spare the suspense, just off yerself. Here, use mine. - Page 31 - Body: Help meee. Help meee! - Page 32 - Eighth Ran Barber Barber: So, er... What'll it be...? Robot: Oh, you know, not too long, not too short. Just make me look nice. Barber: Uh... Right... Robot: You seen the Giants' pitching this year? Buncha hacks. Barber: Y-yep... Sure are... Ahem... Robot: Is something the matter? Barber: Huh? Ha ha. - Page 33 - Barber: Sir? I don't think I can do this. Robot: What? Do what? Barber: How exactly am I supposed to cut your hair? I mean, you're a robot... Robot: PWAAAAAP Barber: Eep! Robot: Do NOT call me that! I do NOT appreciate having my identity violated! I thought a barbershop was supposed to offer its customers the chance to be stylish. And I want to be stylish! So let's see some service. - Page 34 - Barber: Oh, I know! How about this? This is called a wig... Robot: I'm not looking to trick people, I want a REAL makeover. Barber: God damn it!! Robot: Shouldn't a pro be able to handle this? Keita: I'm home from school! Barber: Keita! Perfect timing. Look, I got this problem... (whisper) Keita: Ahaaa. See Dad, this is one of those newfangled "self-aware" robots. Barber: Can you help me out with this? I just don't know what to do! Keita: Hang on! I think I have just the thing! Are you ready to go? Robot: Let's do this. - Page 35 - Keita: I'm programming him with a new self-awareness module, "Me With Hair"! Barber: Hmm? Robot: Wait! My head itches! It's hair, I can feel hair growing!! Wow-wee! Barber: He looks the same to me... Keita: Don't worry! We can't see any hair, but HE can. Barber: Heh. And he says he don't wanna "trick" people. Keita: Now to just choose a hair sample and download... Hmmm, let's just pick this one for now. Barber: Thank you sir, come again! Robot: No, thank YOU! I think I will! It's old. I think I've just become aware of the whole "I don't really like it, but I'll pretend I do" feeling... Ha... sigh... - Page 36 - Ninth Ran Lover Dealer: Well, what a surprise. Nothing's changed! Nothing! Mom: It's been kept just as it was when Father was alive. Dealer: Wow, this really brings it all back. [A man who called himself an "art dealer" came to our house.] Dealer: These must have been some of his last sketches. Amazing... [They said he was a friend of my grandpa's, and that he would be checking for anything worthwhile.] - Page 37 - Dealer: Thank you very much for today. Girl: Umm... Dealer: Hmm? What is it? [A house in the neighborhood had one of Grandpa's paintings in it.] [It had belonged to his friend, but then passed on to his son.] [I never really liked them.] Man: Howdy! Girl: Stupid bottles to keep the cats away. Dealer: Ha ha ha ha ha. Girl: This is the place. - Page 38 - Girl: Right in there! Dealer: Hmm... [I told him it was a masterpiece.] [In fact, I just wanted it to be set free from such a miserable place.] Dealer: Hmm, yes... Masterpiece, indeed! Girl: Yeah! They're going to sell this house soon enough. To pay off some bad business decisions... Dealer: You're quite the detective, my dear. Detective, or art thief! - Page 39 - [But he was a pro! He bought that painting right off their hands.] [And he kept it. Never sold it.] [And on my twentieth birthday, he gave it to me, this painting titled "Lover," as a present.] [In the years to come, people would tell me I grew to look just like her...] - Page 40 - Tenth Ran Family - Page 41 - [I guess they weren't a family...] - Page 42 - - Page 43 - Sign: Kodanji Station Boy: Is Mom coming back? Father: Yeah... She says we'll live together again... Man: Oh... [It was, "I'm home." "Welcome back"...] - Page 44 - Eleventh Ran That Kind of Day - Page 45 - - Page 46 - - Page 47 - Grave: Grave of the Ancestors - Page 48 - - Part 1 End -